Emotional Immaturity in Relationships and the Need for Control

All human beings are born with an innate need for control. It is what helps us assert ourselves and set boundaries throughout development. Without control we would be hurtling through life like a rudderless airplane. However, as we grow older, we realize and cope with the fact that we cannot control every situation in our lives. The realization that other people have needs and rights that have to be respected is what constitutes emotional maturity.

Relationships offer the best avenue where emotional maturity gets tested. When we are not in a relationship, we do not have to be answerable to anyone. We are rarely required to consider the needs of others. Consequently, we feel in control all the time. However, when in a relationship we have to consider thoughts, needs, and feelings of someone else.

Emotionally mature people accept needs and wants of others in spite of personal convictions. We learn that we simply cannot have all we want. That we have to let go of things beyond our control for our own sake, and for the sake of those we love. We realize that giving things space to work themselves out is the surest way to eliminate unnecessary drama from our lives.

Emotionally immature people on the other hand see letting go as a sign of weakness. They feel threatened and/or helpless when unable to control everything. When such people do not have their way they tend to act irrational. They cry, throw tantrums, break things and do anything to manipulate their target. They feel entitled to have their way, unaware how destructive this behavior is to self and relationships.

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Relationships with emotionally immature people are mostly toxic and end up weighing heavily on victims. When someone tries to dictate where you go, who you hang out with, how you dress, it is a sure sign of they have a controlling or abusive personality. If considering getting into a relationship with such a person be ready to bear the consequences.

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